Can I Stay?
by NeonDomino
Summary: It's been six months since Remus left. After suddenly turning up on Hermione's doorstep, Remus asks for another chance, explaining just why he disappeared. Time-Travel. Hermione/Remus.


**Written for:**

Occasion-a-day Challenge: Use a Taylor Swift song of your choosing as a prompt. Song chosen: "How You Get the Girl"

Gringotts Prompt Bank: (1) Agreed, (2) Admitted, (3) Marauder Era, (4) Gentle, (5) Spaghetti Bolognese

The Restricted Collection: 22. Nowhere 'magical' as the setting

50:50 Challenge: Major Characters, Mirror

Quidditch League: Montrose Magpies, Seeker. Prompt: Go Wild.

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 _A/N - due to some repeat messages in my Hermione collection, I am only taking pairing requests from people who leave an actual review on one of the chapters of my stories, rather than posting the names and nothing else._

 _Also, I may not write the requested pairing right away as I will be waiting for inspiration for it._

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 **Can I Stay?**

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It was the way he knocked. She knew the second his hand left the door who was standing on the other side. It was a knock she knew as she had heard it so many times before; though not for a long time now.

Sirius would pound on the door, shouting for her attention, whereas James' knocks were always in the tune of whatever song was going through his head. But these knocks were soft, hesitant. There was only one person who knocked like he did.

Hermione slowly rose from the armchair she had been curled up in, setting the blanket that had been draped over her aside. Her book was placed down on the coffee table, and she walked over to the door, wondering if he'd still be there when she pulled it open.

It was possible she had been mistaken - that she had mistaken someone else's knocks for his because she had been hoping to hear them for so long.

Hermione's hand gripped the door-handle, and the other reached for the lock, sliding the first one back and twisting the second one. A smile played on her lips for a second as she thought about Sirius teasing her about locks on doors when she was a witch and could lock it magically. He didn't quite understand the safe feeling one would get with these locks, no matter how useless they appeared.

She took a deep breath, turning the key which she had left in the door after locking up for the night, and pulling the handle down. The door moved slightly, and she tried to control her shaking hand as she pulled it open, her eyes frantically searching until they found him.

He looked like he had been through hell. Her upset at losing him all those months ago disappeared, and her need to look after him took over.

"Well, come in," she said, her voice slightly colder than both of them were used to. "Go and get yourself cleaned up; you know where the bathroom is. I'll reheat some leftovers for you."

Remus opened his mouth to speak, but her stern gaze made him shut it again. Without a word or noise, he slipped his shoes off by the door, placing them behind it, and put his thin jacket up on the peg. He headed towards the bathroom, and Hermione headed towards her room.

From the bottom of the wardrobe, she pulled out a box. She dug around in it and found some of Remus' old clothes that had ended up in her place during their relationship. Clothes he had never returned for. She grabbed a pair of pyjama bottoms and a t-shirt, berating herself for picking clothes that would tell him he could stay.

But in his state, she couldn't turn him away.

She opened the bathroom door a crack, pushing the clothes through before closing it again. She headed into the tiny kitchen and pulled out the container of Spaghetti Bolognese leftovers that she had cooked for dinner. She poured some pasta into a pot and set it to boil.

She was just serving up when Remus walked into the kitchen, leaning against the door-frame, watching her.

"You are welcome to stay on my sofa for a few nights whilst you get yourself back on your feet," she said, not meeting his eyes.

"Hermione," he murmured, stepping closer, but she picked up the pan, heading to the sink to drain the water. She wasn't ready to hear what he had to say - she had thought she was, but seeing him again...

Seeing the amber eyes she had only looked at in pictures and dreams and hearing the soft voice that kept her awake at night - that was something she wasn't ready for at all.

"We'll talk after you eat," she told him. She hoped it gave her enough time to think. "I'm sorry there's no garlic bread or salad to go with this. Sirius at the last of it earlier, I was going to get more tomorrow."

"That's fine," Remus said. "It looks delicious."

Hermione's gaze moved down his body to where the t-shirt hung loosely. It was painfully obvious that he had lost a lot of weight in the last six months. Hurt turned to concern. "You haven't been eating."

Remus shrugged slightly. "We'll talk about that; it's all linked to why I left," he replied.

Hermione grabbed the plate and walked through to the living room with it. She set the plate on the small dining table, cursing the sunflower that sat in the small vase. Remus had enchanted that on their first date so it would never wilt and die.

She didn't meet Remus' eyes as she returned to her chair, but not her book. Her gaze wouldn't stop moving to him as he ate quickly, making her believe that he hadn't had a home-cooked meal in a long time.

...oOo...

Remus disappeared with the plate, returning a couple of minutes later with his sleeves rolled up slightly.

He never rolled them more than two times, clearly wanting to keep his skin as hidden as possible.

Remus ignored the sofa, pushing Hermione's book aside and sitting on the edge of the coffee-table, his eyes meeting Hermione's.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. "I know there's nothing I can say that'll earn your forgiveness, and I don't deserve your forgiveness, but for the last six months, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you."

"You broke my heart," Hermione whispered. She could feel the prickle of tears behind her eyes already. "We were happy - I thought we were happy, and suddenly you turn up and end things and disappear. I didn't even get an explanation."

"We were happy," Remus told her. "I promise you that - it was nothing to do with you, the reasons I left... it was me. I'm here to give you that explanation. If you want me to leave afterwards, I'll go without a fuss. I promise you. To be honest, part of me thought you would close the door in my face or ask me to leave when you saw it was me."

"We both know I couldn't do that," Hermione whispered.

Remus nodded his head, his hands clenching together as he took a moment to work out what to say. "I left because I'm not the man you thought I was," Remus began.

"You became that man when you walked out," Hermione replied. "I never thought you were the sort of man who would just walk out of my life and make me feel like what we had meant nothing to him."

"I truly am sorry," Remus replied softly. "I thought I was doing what was right... that it was for the best. I thought you would find someone who deserved to have your love. All that I managed was to make the most terrible mistake. But that's not what I'm saying, Hermione. There's something else. Something worse."

He reached out for Hermione's hand, before hesitating. His hands clenched together again, and his gaze dropped from hers.

"I'm a Werewolf. I've been one since I was five," he admitted. "That's why I left - because you deserve someone who can provide for you, someone who you can be proud of. You deserve someone human."

Hermione raised her eyebrows. Her thoughts over the last six months had run away with her, leaving her to imagine terrible things.

"I left because I started picturing us as a forever thing, and I was scared that you were doing the same. I thought if I stayed longer and we started making long-term plans and then you found out I was a monster..." he trailed off, his voice reminding her of the older, broken Remus she remembered from her past.

"If you said all this sooner without running away, you would have been informed that I can provide for myself, that I was proud no matter what, and that you are very much human," she replied. "You are most definitely not a monster, and I thought we were a forever thing too."

His gaze moved nervously to meet hers.

"I already knew what you are," she continued. "It wasn't hard to work out. You were always ill around the full-moon after all."

"You noticed that?"

"You would always copy my notes around that time too, and after Hogwarts, you always had a 'weekend with the boys' during the full-moon. Plus there is the desperate need for you to keep your skin covered. You wear long sleeves even in the hottest weather. You wouldn't take things further because you don't want me to see anything that could give you away... but none of that mattered to me."

"You really are perceptive," Remus murmured. "You never said anything."

"I thought that was why you left at first, but then my imagination began to play tricks on me. What if you had met someone else? What if you didn't love me the way I love you? What if you didn't want a future with me?"

Remus moved from the table, settled on his knees in front of Hermione and grabbed her hand. "I never thought you'd... you said 'love' and not loved. Do you still feel the same? Do you still love me?"

"True love never fades," Hermione replied, trying not to focus on how warm his hands were. "Of course I still love you, but I don't know why you are here, Remus. Did you come here to get back on your feet, knowing I'd never be able to turn you away? Are you here merely to inform me that you are back? To tell me you love me? To just tell me the truth?"

"I'm here to tell you why I left and to tell you that it was the biggest mistake of my life. I wanted you to know what I was, and I needed to see if there was any chance you could see past that. I love you more than anything, and if there's a way I can earn your forgiveness... even if it takes forever, I'll do everything to earn it."

"Will you tell me where you've been for the six months - if you've been with anyone else, if -"

"There's never been anyone else," Remus said, a hint of desperation in his voice. "You're it for me; I knew that before we even started dating. There will never be anyone else for me. Even if you told me to leave, even if you never gave me another chance, I would never be able to love anyone like I love you, Hermione."

Her gaze softened at the words.

"I was on Order Business. Dumbledore had asked something of me before, which I turned down. When I left, I made the choice to go away for the task he had set me. I had to try and convert the Werewolves. I'm not supposed to be telling you this."

Hermione looked into his eyes. "And if I give you another chance?" she asked. "What happens if things go further? What happens if we want to have children and you freak out? Will you run again?" Her thoughts wandered back to her own time where she recalled Remus panicking over Tonks being pregnant.

He hesitated. "What if they turn out to be -"

"They won't," Hermione replied. "Remus, for there to be any chance for us, I need to know that no matter what - good or bad - you aren't going to run out on me again. You broke my heart already. I can't give you my heart again if there's a chance you'll break it a second time."

She stood up from the chair, moving past Remus and heading over to the fireplace as she waited for him make his choice. Her fingers brushed over the picture of her and her boys - James, Sirius, and Remus, and she smiled at the memories the picture brought up.

She heard movement behind her but didn't turn around - instead her gaze shot up to the mirror above the fireplace. She examined Remus' reflection for a clue of what he was going to say but couldn't read him. His hands rested gently on her hips and his body against hers. He leaned down, taking a deep breath against her skin, and his hold tightened slightly, though managing to remain gentle.

His lips pressed a soft kiss against her neck, reminding Hermione just how she could lose herself to him so easily. It felt the same as she remembered.

"I swear I will never willingly leave you," he promised, finally moving his head from her neck. "For all the good and the bad that'll come out way, I love you and want a future with you. Marriage, kids... everything."

"I want that too," she whispered, turning in his embrace. She rested her head against his chest. "I've missed you so much, Remus."

"I missed you too," he whispered. "I know it's a lot to ask, but can I stay?"

"You can," she agreed. "I still have everything you left here... it's in a box in the wardrobe, waiting for you to go through it." She hesitated for a moment. "When you ask if you can stay, do you mean for the night... or do you mean..."

"Both," Remus whispered. "I think we've been apart long enough."

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 **Review Please :)**

 **Thanks to Firefly for betaing.**


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